A PRAYER

Lord, I know that even my asking for spiritual enlightenment
is mostly a lie, as my motivations are so mixed….

Nevertheless, hear my words, O Lord,
divorced from all the falseness with which I say them.

And Lord, I am not closing my eyes as I pray this,
nor scrunching up my face and emotions with spirituality,

as if on my own I could change myself, or as if,
having made this awesome scrunchy-faced effort,
it won’t be my fault when you don’t answer this prayer
for my renewal.

Rather, I am genuinely accepting that I don’t know
what precisely would have to change in me
for me to love you more.

This unknown change, which you do know,
is what I pray for: I pray against myself. Amen.

—Timothy Patitsas