What I’m hungry for.

Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression.  The chasm is never completely bridged.  We all have the conviction,
perhaps illusory, that we have much more to say than appears on the paper.
~Isaac Bashevis Singer

Life has been good. I have been busy — not just to be busy and distracted, but busy with people I love, and taking care of household business. I assure you that doesn’t often mean housecleaning.

I’ve made trips, and hosted guests. I’ve worshiped in God’s temple and admired the butternut squashes ripening in my garden. I’ve cooked and pondered and and walked and read. Every day I think of what I want to write about the many facets of my life and thought, and every night I go to bed unsatisfied in that one desire.

Writing, I think, is not apart from living.  Writing is a kind of double living.
The writer experiences everything twice.
Once in reality and once in that mirror which waits always before or behind.
~Catherine Drinker Bowen

This dissatisfaction hasn’t been at the forefront of my consciousness until the last few days; I normally go to bed happy and thankful for the sweetness of my existence in the arms of God. But now I’m aware as never before that it’s a gnawing hunger I’ve got to attend to.

There are thousands of thoughts lying within a man that he does not know
till he takes up the pen and writes.
~William Makepeace Thackeray

Probably the next blog post I write after all this blather will consist of some pictures of flowers, or include an icon of the saint of the day, with hardly any words. But I have a new laptop! I can type upstairs or downstairs now, to put down all that’s swarming in my head. I hope it helps.

I do not like to write – I like to have written.
~Gloria Steinem

15 thoughts on “What I’m hungry for.

  1. I find myself nodding at your words and the quotations of others. When I haven’t written for a day or two (either on the blog or my journal) I find myself getting antsy. Elisabeth Elliot says that we don’t know what we’re thinking until we write it down.

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    1. Lorrie, that is how I often feel, that I don’t know what I think until I write. And then often if I DO know what I think, it’s all a big jumble and I don’t know how to take every thought captive without sorting it out in writing.

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  2. Well, I can’t wait!! Isn’t interesting how it just comes upon you, that need to write? I know it does me, I have been walking and thinking but have not sat down to put a voice to my words.

    I won’t be able to sleep the whole night through until I do write. I wake up in the early hours and my thoughts are so loud that I wonder how they won’t be quiet so I can go back to sleep.

    I am so glad you have been good busy. It makes my heart happy to read it. I will happily anticipate your thoughts that will be like pearls on a string, each one a work of art.

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  3. “Govern Thou my thoughts and feelings in all I do and say.” Maybe I will see you at Thurs. music class or Fri. Liturgy for St. John the Theologian at the skete. God bless you.  Love, Christie

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  4. You do write very well. But I know it is extremely hard work to find the right words and combinations of words to express the reality of what one is trying to portray . . . and always feeling it doesn’t quite measure up to the vision inside. That quote from Isaac Bashevis Singer (always enjoyed reading his stories) rings very true.

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  5. I often feel the same way at bedtime – many things get done during the day satisfactorily – or unsatisfactorily as the case may be! – but writing often gets pushed to the side. And at night, it is easier to read someone else’s writing than to pick up a pen. Love those quotes.

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  6. Well put. 🙂 I tend to do my writing in my head, and then when I sit down and try to remember those thoughts, they are loooooong gone! But it’s so much fun to try!

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  7. First, I really like the distinction between the different kinds of busy and the recognition that yours is a filled and fulfilling kind of busy…second, I absolutely love the description of what you’ve been doing and the realization about something missing…Thank you for pointing me back to this post, which is also a way forward.

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